I Turned off my DBS Today (Why Did I Do That?)

Feeling crummy today. My ankles and feet are so swollen I cannot get my shoes on. I fell hard yesterday, on my back. I don’t usually fall on  my back. My trekking pole was not tightened and when I put it down and put my weight on it it slid out from under me. I was sore, but not hurt.


I gained some introspection. I have been with this disease, diagnosed that is, 13 years. I wonder if I am starting to go downhill. I know I am not getting enough exercise. How does one get enough exercise when they can hardly move!


So why did I turn off the DBS. I was doubting myself. I doubted if the DBS really gave me that much benefit. I am still taking lots of PD meds and it makes me wonder when the bad side affects will start kicking in.


What happened when I turned it off? Immediately after I turned it off my right hand tremored really hard. The left joined in. But then they both stopped tremoring and I was having some trouble swallowing my saliva. That was strange. And my body was very stiff. I had a really hard time getting off my bed and walking into the kitchen was like walking in knee deep cement. I stayed with these feelings for 15 minutes. Then I turned it back on.


I want to cry. But that would show I am weak. Or would it? Maybe my courage would actually shine through.


I must believe. I must believe in myself, in what I know will help me.


Today, it just wasn’t in me…the belief that is.


Tomorrow is another day.


Thank God.



Photo by Katrina Wright on Unsplash

Used by permission of the author.

Carol Clupny

When Carol Clupny was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease at age 50, she took to the road, literally. Walking over 1000 ...more