Ellen Stadler

I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s November 3, 2017 at age 46. The day that changed my life as I knew it. I was living my life as I always had – burning the candle at both ends. That day in particular is technicolor vivid in my memory as if it happened yesterday. I was up and out early to set up for the conference I was co-chairing. I looked at my calendar to be sure I didn’t miss anything on that hectic Friday: conference by 8 am; quick neurology appointment to assure that the odd symptoms I’d been experiencing for the past 1.5 – 2 years were nothing; back to the conference in time for the keynote speaker; lawyer’s office immediately after the conference to finalize my divorce. Yep, a typical Friday for me. Well, typical except for the divorce, I’ve only done that once. However, time stopped in its tracks at my “quick” neurology appointment, when the doctor told me he was almost certain that I had Parkinson’s. Every other moment that was to come that day paled in comparison. I had two uncles and a grandfather who had battled Parkinson’s and my mom had shown some symptoms before she died at age 63, so I had an idea of what PD meant for my future. I was scared.

I used to read the obituaries back in the days of newspapers and tell my family that instead of “Ellen passed peacefully…”, I wanted “Ellen went kicking and screaming…”. Little did I know how accurate that was. Though my symptoms are worse and I need to rest more often, I simply refuse to roll over and let Parkinson’s have its way. I plan to fight each and every step of the way. You see, while PD is responsible for my pain and deteriorating physical ability, I also credit it with showing me how to live and the living I have done over the past 8 years has shown me how much more life I want to experience. It has given me the desire to fight for my life.

Finally, I have to remind myself to focus on the good things in my life. Sometimes, I get so focused on the pain and the loss of what I can no longer do, that I lose sight of the amazing life I have. I have the best husband, travel partner, yoga partner, support, cheerleader, and love that I could ask for. John, thank you for encouraging me to fly and for holding me when I feel like I can’t even get off the ground. My children make me laugh, entertain me, make me proud, and often make me forget I have PD. I am enjoying watching them take their own flights, though in my mind, they are still 5 years old and doing something for the first time, yelling “Mom, watch! Look what I can do!!! Aren’t you proud of me?!?” Even now that they are all adults, I am still watching them, beaming with pride. I have incredible colleagues and friends who are my family and check in on me, spend time with me, understand my limitations (I can’t drive long distances by myself anymore), love me, and make me laugh. I’d be lost without their support. I’ve often said that it is impossible for me to fall with so many amazing people holding me up and supporting me.

I am a math professor and I love my job. I’m hoping PD will allow me to work for at least 12 more years! In addition, I have always had a creative side. In high school, I wrote poetry and short stories. I also took 2 years of photography during high school and discovered that I loved the process of developing film and prints. After a long hiatus from my creative ventures, I recently got back in touch with my creative side. I have found that during the creative process, my symptoms are decreased significantly. I currently am blogging about my journey through Parkinson’s, each entry includes pictures I have taken along the way.